PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
 
 
 
 
 
 

EXCERPTS

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·When it came my turn to leave Vietnam.....
When it came my turn to leave Vietnam, I understood what I had seen in those men that day and I knew exactly what they were watching for. We continued to listen and watch for the signs of incoming enemy fire just like they did. We knew that we were not safe until we had left Vietnamese airspace. Anything could still happen.

· Hanoi Hannah is North Vietnam’s version
“Hanoi Hannah is North Vietnam’s version. I hear she went to college in the States. They say she has information on our troop movements before we do. She keeps telling the guys of 1/9 where they’re going and to make sure they have a good dinner that night because the next day they’re going to die.”

· Incoming enemy rounds also landed one after another - all day long
Incoming enemy rounds also landed one after another - all day long. Mortar after mortar landed all around the airstrip. Every time I heard the thunk of a mortar in the distance, I got real anxious. I always knew when a mortar was in the air, but I never knew where it would land. There was nothing we could do but wait for it to land and hope that it wasn’t on us. It was a feeling of total helplessness.

· I said I wouldn’t become an animal over here. Damn!
“I said I wouldn’t become an animal over here. Damn! Here I am, not even 3 months in country. I’m living in the mud, peeing myself in the rain to stay warm, my ass is rotting off and I write home bragging about how we killed a pregnant woman. I am a damn animal.”

· I looked out at the mountains....
I looked out at the mountains that used to be lush and covered with growth. They were once beautiful and now they were scarred from the continual bombings. I had to wonder if I was just like those mountains - being scarred mentally from being under continual assault. I looked up just as a C130 started to release a load on the Drop Zone. “At least we’ll eat tonight,” I thought to myself.

· We would then have to go out there.....
We would then have to go out there, pull the supplies into the trenches, detangle the chutes from the wire, and mend the fence. And – oh yeah! – Not get shot.

· We just had to do all we could to stay alive.
We just had to do all we could to stay alive. That meant paying attention to what was going on around us - being vigilant - that was all we could do.

· We had only been in position for an hour or so...
We had only been in position for an hour or so, when I saw a shadow, dressed all in black, crawling in front of our position. Mike was next to me. I poked him and pointed to the road. He saw the man crawl out of sight down the road. Just then William and Tom spotted someone crawling behind us. I looked back to the road and saw someone else crawling along the road.

· In that moment, everything suddenly went silent for me
In that moment, everything suddenly went silent for me. My stomach dropped to the floor like a rock. I felt an enormous wave of pure rage wash over me, immediately followed by another enormous wave of overwhelming guilt. I should have done something to help Tom. I really wanted to cry, but I couldn’t even do that. I just did not know how to process the immensity of it all. I felt like I was in some sort of surreal movie.

· War was moments of mind-boggling insanity...
War was moments of mind-boggling insanity followed by hours of mind-numbing boredom. If the incoming fire didn’t drive us crazy, the boredom would. Humor was always a good way to try and maintain at least a modicum of our sanity.

· But looking out at the moon this time...
But looking out at the moon this time, it dawned on me; this might be the last time I ever looked at the moon from anywhere. Was I really alright with dying?
 

 

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PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)